end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
