how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
