I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
