You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
