Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This baby is an asshole
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
