I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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