My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
