Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
