I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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