Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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