Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
