We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
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