Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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