I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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