you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
