I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
third nipple confirmed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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