you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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