Swine flu. Run for my life!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
