does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nutella sex= disaster
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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