Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can I color on your dick again?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
