Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
