i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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