I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
