This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
