This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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