I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i've created a new STD.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
