You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
