Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
