ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
