Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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