4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
