Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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