On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
