Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
