there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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