I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
