Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
