It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
