my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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