and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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