she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im holly from the hills drunk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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