If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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