a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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