the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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