party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
