Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
