Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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