too bad you live with your parents still
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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