well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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