his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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