yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
