I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
