saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
