why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
