How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
