On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
