I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
